Dealing with perfectionism while building habits

I’ve never thought of myself as a perfectionist. After all, I seem to be physically incapable of following precise instructions or recipes and I am quite haphazard in my housekeeping. How could I be a perfectionist if I can’t stand ironing or if I don’t even fold the laundry?

Perhaps, however, the reason I don’t iron or fold the laundry is that I can’t do it perfectly and it doesn’t stay folded or crease-free, so I’m unwilling to do it at all.

My “Happy Home” habit for January has been to read my Bible and pray before breakfast. Of my three habits, it’s (not surprisingly, unfortunately) the one I’m flunking.

First, I was trying to be sneaky and strategic with myself. Much more is wrapped up here than simply aligning myself in the mornings. “Before breakfast,” I added, telling myself this meant it was priority, it was first thing, as it should be. But, here I am not only in newborn time but also in “stagnant air advisory” mid January where there is no sun or even any signs of the sky all day. Getting up before the kids just rarely happens. And, if I sleep in later than the kids, then already I have to sort out breakfast emergencies or arguments or disasters, change multiple diapers, check my email (right? I have to!), and pester and nag the older two to get a move on with their morning things already. I often don’t get my breakfast until after I’ve gone around putting out fires, nursing the baby, and generally being harried for an hour or even two. In the midst of that I’m supposed to shut myself away for even 15 minutes of quiet and peace? Not likely.

But in the midst of that harried dashing, I quite easily get irritated, distracted, and demoralized by that subjective, nagging sense of being “behind.”

When we find ourselves frantic and frustrated, harried and harassed and “hassled,” it’s a sign that we are running on our own schedule, not God’s. — Elisabeth Elliot in Discipline: The Glad Surrender

Last week my friend mentioned that she’s been trying to remember to have her phone with her while nursing so she can read her Bible while she nurses in the morning. It struck me that I had not even thought of that possibility. My first reaction was wondering if that was “good enough” to “count”? Count? What’s the point here? Perfect execution or actually reading my Bible at all?

I have this ideal in mind of a morning time in the word, a composite picture of all the times where I felt I was doing it “right,” and I want those times reinstituted, whole and complete, immediately. Although I agree with Elisabeth Elliot’s statement that “Offering to God the first hour of the day is a token consecration of all our time,” that is still only a good idea and not a biblical mandate. In the spirit of the year’s resolve to be content with baby steps and small successes instead of a perfect implementation of everything all at once and complete, I decided to give myself more options than “first thing” prayer time:

• While nursing, read a chapter on my iPod and breath and pray.
• If there is a quiet time, take a few minutes to read my Bible and pray at my desk with the happy light on.
• While folding laundry or washing dishes, listen to the Bible on audio on my iPod.
• Be more mindful during Circle Time and Bible, not absentmindedly keeping things going, but paying attention to the Scripture we’re reciting.

Rather than thinking, even unconsciously, that I had to do it this one right way or not at all, I need to change my attitude and focus to that of being happy to turn to the Word in the moments given to me. Perhaps then I could spent that time refreshing myself rather than berating myself for how awful the house is – and, my extension, how awful I am. I need to read Truth instead of whispering discouragement to myself.

God’s Word is the foundation of a truly, deeply happy home, carried along by God rather than by my own feelings.

Do you have ways to sneak in Bible reading when reserving early morning time is not feasible?