Wednesday with Words: Parenting Tactics for Thinkers

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This week in reading…

Current favorites at our house

Knox (4yo) has become reenchanted with St. George and the Dragon again, which makes me all sorts of happy.

Ilse (6) is still working through Pathway’s First Steps, with persistence and, most importantly, good cheer.

Jaeger (9) is reading and rereading the new Landmark series books I purchased for this school year. He says his favorite is The Story of D-Day

Hans (11) read the third Harry Potter after listening to the first two and part of the third on his trip to camp. He and I agreed it’d be best for him to wait to finish the series, though he does like the books.

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My Book Bag

I finished A Method for Prayer by Matthew Henry & The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean this week! I enjoyed them both. The Disappearing Spoon had several God-mocking cracks in it, but overall was a fascinating blend of history and science and strange connections.

Week’s Words

I am more and more of the opinion that learning about personality types is a great way to learn to be a better parent and teacher. Here’s a section I have dog-eared in Gifts Differing by Isabel Myers:

The thinker’s natural process is inappropriate when used in personal relations with feeling types, because it includes a readiness to criticize. Criticism is of great value when thinkers apply it to their own conduct or conclusion, but it has a destructive effect upon feeling types, who need a harmonious climate.

Both my husband and I are thinkers.

The feeling types have a great need for sympathy and appreciation. They want others to realize how they feel and either share the feeling or at least acknowledge its value. They want others to approve of them. […] Uninhibited criticism makes life stressful for feeling types.

I have at least 2, possibly 3 or 4, feeling children.

People who are conscious of such damage and want to avoid it can improve matters. […] Thinkers can do three things to limit the damage their criticism may cause.

To summarize the three things:

  1. Refrain from criticizing in the first place, recognizing it won’t help.
  2. Be careful not to exaggerate faults to make a point. Everything you say will be ignored because of the outrage this causes.
  3. Play by the feeler’s rules: “Remember how feeling types respond to sympathy and appreciation; a little of either will greatly tone down a necessary criticism, but the thinker must express sympathy or appreciation first.”

Shelfie

shelfie72614

How shelves generally look at our house….

It means they’re being used, which is good, right? That’s what I tell myself to keep from hyperventilating, anyway.

Get more great quotes & recommendations at ladydusk!

8 Responses

  1. ladydusk1
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    St. George is a perpetual favorite here, too. Love that.

    As a “feeler” I think sometimes we need to get over ourselves and let thinkers be their way too. Can I empathize with the thinker? Yes. Different for children, though. Thanks for linking up.

  2. Mystie Winckler
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    Yes, there was an admonition to feelers to not take critique personally, but the bulk of it was directed at the thinker – Isabel Myers was an INFP. That’s what you said you get and don’t relate to? Have you looked at the description of ISFJ? ISFJs tend to mistype themselves because they relate to the people they’re around so much.

  3. Karen @ Candid Diversions
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    I think I really need to read Gifts Differing, if I can ever find a copy.

    Confession time: that shelfie made me twitch. I’m constantly straightening our shelves. (Really awkward confession time: I’ve been known to straighten book shelves in stores too. Philip will say, “You know, they pay people to do that.”)

  4. Anna
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    I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed your idea of sharing other family members’ reading in my Wednesdays with Words post. :)

    The Disappearing Spoon is on my to-read list now, and Gifts Differing look intriguing, too.

    • Mystie Winckler
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      Of course not, Anna! I love seeing it! :)

  5. kortney
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    learning about personality types has been a boon for all my relationships….highly recommend The Wisdom of the Enneagram http://www.amazon.com/The-Wisdom-Enneagram-Psychological-Personality/dp/0553378201

    peace keep you.

    • Mystie Winckler
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      Our library might have that book. I admit, I’ve resisted learning a different personality system when I feel like I’m finally wrapping my head around MBTI. :)

  6. Candace
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    I may need that book. Or maybe I need to give that book to the thinkers in my life. Ha ha ha!! :)