Often, life takes unexpected turns and leaves us scrambling to pick up the pieces. Routines thrive in regularity, but for a variety of reasons, all forms of regularity can vanish and our routines can fly out the window.
Whether due to medical emergencies, moves, new babies, death in the family, or any combination thereof, we can lose our groove and not even know where to start when our life feels nothing like normal.
You don't have to wait for life to get normal again to build routines. In fact, you can't. Making life happen is mom's job, and there are some essentials that must continue regardless of how crazy everything feels.
The basics that still need to happen might vary from family to family, but it will often consist of meals (including dishes), laundry, and general tidying.
If the survival mode has been brought on due to stressful circumstances, we want to be careful as mothers to not pass along and multiply our stress within our children. A mother's temptation is often to attempt to double-down on control when life feels out of control, but this will pass along our stress to our children and backfire.
Do not come at survival mode chores as a way to control. Do not command your children to help you because they owe it to you to make your life easier right now.
Be the tone you want to create in your home: cheerful, light, purposeful.
One way to accomplish this is to turn the chores into a game. Instead of making a list or a chart, break down what needs to be done today – just today – into 5 minute tasks and lay them out like a bingo card or tick-tack-toe game. Turn on some music and work together as a team to cross everything off, each person choosing which box they want to do next.
Even if you don't have kids at an age to help, turning your own tasks into a non-linear game can help you break out of overwhelm mode and feel some momentum.
Here are some sample baby step tasks you might include on your game board:
- unload the clean silverware from the dishwasher
- unload the dishwasher top rack
- unload the dishwasher bottom rack
- load the dirty dishes from the sink to the dishwasher
- hand wash the remaining dirty dishes in the sink
- throw away all garbage in the living room and dining room and hallway
- pick up all books and return to shelves
- pick up X toys (break this up as needed with specifics)
- wipe down the table
- wipe down the kitchen counters
- put away all the shoes not in bedrooms
- hang up all the coats
- start a load of laundry
Especially when you're in survival mode, starting is the hardest part. Don't try to rile yourself up into a ball of frantic energy to get things back on track. Instead, smile at your people and do one small thing that can build. Wins stack on small wins, not perfection.
A little done here and there will accomplish more and move you along better than waiting until a full system or new routine feels possible.
You don't need a full system, a complete chore chart, or a perfect schedule to start stacking small steps of momentum. Allow yourself to acknowledge each small task as meaningful. Don't tell yourself it's too insignificant to matter. That kind of talk will keep you stuck because it's wrong; it is grumbling.
You might hope to do more later, but start right now with something – anything – and build from there, cheerfully and humbly.