Quick! Be ready for hospitality

When we think about preparing for hospitality, we imagine being in control. We issue an invitation a week or two in advance. We plan a menu. We clean the house. Sure, when the hour is upon us it might get a little hectic, but we knew it was coming.

Once we start opening our homes and ourselves up for more hospitality, however, the hospitality sometimes comes to us unbidden. If you’ve prayed for the opportunity to grow in hospitality, you will likely receive an answer to that prayer: which looks like hospitality you’re given rather than controlling.

We’ve done lots of planned-in-advance hospitality and that practice, which often felt very stretching at the time, paved the way for different kinds of hospitality. We’ve had extended house guests in a home without a guest room. We’ve had opportunities to meet someone new and say, “Hey, want to come over?” We’ve had afternoon calls that resulted in dinner invites for that evening. 

Hospitality means “stranger-love,” not “put-on-an-impressive-production.” Our homes, like our lives, are not our own. The more we can use it not just as the family decompression place but also as the space for making others feel welcome — to town, to church, to know God, to family life, to homeschooling — the more we are making our homes a tool of investment, turning a profit, stewarding it as God’s resource rather than our own. 

But maintaining a home that can be both a constant-use family stage as well as a tool ready for kingdom service is a challenge. We don’t have to wait until everything is perfectly under control before we expand out into hospitality. Instead, we pray to be ready and equipped and then we step out in faith when God sends the opportunity. Perfection not required.

Awhile back I received an email from a long-time reader and current Convivial Circle member about one such opportunity she had just been given. Here’s an edited version of her story:

I’ve been behind on housekeeping and now I feel like I’m making progress. Here’s how the rubber is hitting the road now:  I’m hosting a dinner this Saturday. Good call to do it. Checked with my husband. Looking forward to it. But practically, my house needs a fair amount of work to have it tidy and clean for 35 people. 

It’s not an option to suspend homeschool. My kids are big now. Fridays we are out of the house for co-ops, so I have 2 days and then Saturday where I can do some cleaning, but my main work will be cooking and setting up. I’m trying to baby step this. I’ll start with a brain dump. 

My husband has never expected a magazine shoot home (praise God!) but he really doesn’t like it when the house doesn’t feel ready for guests, and I’m scrubbing the toilet as people walk through the front door. I want to honor him, be realistic about my time, and also not drop my homeschool responsibilities because I’m catching up the house.

I’d like to get to where I have enough routines in place that I’m never in need of an emergency clean. But here I find myself at the moment 😄

I am genuinely unsure how to prioritize my time in the next few days. I’d appreciate any ideas.

I did reply to her personally, but I hope that many of you find yourself frequently in a similar situation. It’s one I’m familiar with as well and being “never in need of an emergency clean” is just a pipe dream — we can make it less frequent by not continually operating in emergency mode and getting our basic chaos down to minimal levels. 

However, life happens unpredictably and we are called to respond cheerfully in faith, not called to always have an immaculate house. Sometimes the service we are called to give results in mess and a backlog of cleaning and decluttering. We need to flex our capacity not for keeping all stuff under control, but keeping our attitude and willingness to work under control and properly directed. 

Prepared for Hospitality

When you find your plate full of good things, and it feels like they can’t all be done, we have to remember that there is always a path forward in faithfulness. We need the wisdom, the discernment, to spot it and accept that it will likely mean dying to ourselves in some way. God is giving us an overflow of good work to stretch us and grow us and try us, not to make us feel like inadequate failures. 

So if you find yourself with hospitality opportunities coming at you with less time than you’d like to prepare, here are the things to prioritize to have not only a hospitable home, but also a hospitable atmosphere because of your hospitable attitude.

You're already in a good place knowing that hosting this gathering is what you're supposed to be doing. So whenever stress creeps in, take a deep breath and know it's a temptation trying to take you out of the good work. Feeling overwhelmed or condemned are lies whispering to your heart, attempts of the flesh and the devil to decommission you. 

You know why it’s worth the effort to tempt you thus? Because the work is potent. It is small. It looks insignificant on the surface of things. But it is one of those weak things that God magnifies in mysterious ways for the good of His people — in both directions. So turn the tables on the temptation and let it remind you that you’re doing something meaningful and effective.

Silence any overwhelm, complaints, or inadequacies with gratitude for the opportunity God has given and for the people He is bringing into your life and home. Gratitude makes us productive.

Now that your attitude is in order, these are my top 3 strategies for getting to a level of baseline hospitality when time is tight.

First, clean bathrooms.

For the reader’s situation, I recommended that she clean the bathrooms Thursday so she could send a kid to do a quick wipe-down and supply check Saturday.

My husband, also, prefers the bathrooms to be cleaned early enough in the day that it doesn’t smell of cleaner as people arrive. Makes sense! 

Now, when we had several small children, cleaning the bathroom at the last minute made sense because accidents happened all the time. Last minute bathroom cleaning was the best way to make sure the bathroom was actually hospitable. 

Such is no longer the case, however. Now I will spray down the counter, sink, and toilet and bring two rags in with me. First I’ll wipe out the sink and counter, then I’ll use that rag to wipe the edges of the floor and any visible spots. With the second rag I’ll wipe down the toilet, from the outside in, ending with a wipe down where the toilet and floor meet. Then I’ll change the towel to a fresh one, using the old one to wipe down the mirror, door, or anywhere I notice some dust or spot. Done! 

This isn’t the most thorough and complete bathroom cleaning regime, but it keeps the space decent and hospitable. It’s also doable in 5 minutes or less. 

Second, clear places for people to sit.

When our priority is hospitality rather than creating an aesthetic that’s about us and our taste and abilities, we shift our focus to making others comfortable. No one is more or less comfortable if the bookshelves are dusted and styled, but if there is no spot to sit, then they will be quite uncomfortable.

Even if all you have time for is moving piles off the chairs and couches and into corners, that’s an improvement that increases the comfort of guests. 

If you can offer your guests a place to sit and a beverage, you are extending hospitality. Don’t overcomplicate it or let perfectionism prevent you from invitations before your house is decluttered and cleaned to the standard you’d prefer.

Where are you at now? What do you have to offer? Go with that. Extending hospitality will increase your motivation to continue the decluttering and cleaning, but procrastinating hospitality will only beget more procrastination.

Calling together your team

Kids can be a great help in preparing for and cleaning up after guests. However, we want to be careful how we manage those times. We can get their help by demanding it and making them feel like our slaves, or we can recruit their help as teammates. 

Hospitality to guests is a family affair and the kids can be a meaningful, contributing part of it. Bringing them on board gives them real life experience that prepares them for adulthood and gives them confidence. 

Here’s what I recommended to my reader in her situation:

Let the kids know you'll need 1 hour of work from them Saturday to pitch in so the family can pull this off as a team effort. Make a list of things they can do, with each item being about 5-10 minutes. Let them choose, 1 at a time, on Saturday what they'll do - after finishing 1, they get to come claim another - this incentivizes quick work and initiative and starting early. 

Let them each set a timer for their work so people who start earlier aren't held up by those starting later. They won't clean like you would, but just appreciate that it's better than it would have been without their help. 

It's totally ok to grab a big box or bin and collect up stuff to deal with later so it's quickly out of the way now.

Clear expectations and keeping the mood light and fun are key. 

You can be ready for hospitality!

My final reminder was, “Clean bathrooms, food and drink, and cheerful people make a party. You can do this!”

You, too, my dear reader, can do this. Do not let perfectionism prevent you from opening your doors and accepting the opportunities of hospitality God has given you. If you aren’t seeing any such opportunities, pray for them. Pray for the willingness to first see them, then take them. 

So many now are hungry for not only friends, but also models of home and family. A normal home with regular everyday food is all we need to be impressive — impressive in the right way: impressing our guest with the genuine love of God. Many have never seen a functioning family, a normal family dinner, or the genuine love of God, and they are starving for it all. 

In fact, God’s design of the family itself testifies to His own love and care, so bringing others into your home not for a party but just for a small slice of sharing life is a guaranteed way to testify to God’s work and God’s goodness. 

Be ready for hospitality. Don’t overthink it. Don’t set your personal standards so high that you are never ready. Get started and grow in it with practice!

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