“Slow Living” is a thing right now. From what I can gather, it means setting up your life to look and feel pastoral and idyllic.
Slow living makes sense as an attempt to calm the chronic anxiety so prevalent in our society.
Awhile back, a lady posted this in our community, Convivial Circle (edited & abridged):
There's so much about slowing down, not being anxious and in a hurry….and yet, my life feels like I can’t slow down. To be clear, I don't mean with activities. I feel we balance those pretty well. I'm talking busy from having a lot on my plate. I have 5 kids ages 7/6/4 and twin 8 month olds. I homeschool, I don't have any family nearby to help, no babysitters…just me keeping the whole thing afloat.
I often find that even if I get “quiet time” in the afternoon I'm eating or drinking like I'm being hunted and have to choke down my food before someone steals it or interrupts. -lol- But seriously, it's like my body can't stop feeling stuck in “flight” mode because life is demanding I be so on top of my game and I feel like if I relax at all I'm going to drop the ball somewhere.
How do I slow down? How does life stop feeling so high pressure when the truth is, there's a lot counting on me?! I'm not out trying to be a boss babe or run my kids to 5 different sports. I'm just living basic life, but that life is so very full with kids’ needs right now.
I know it's a season, but I don't want to look back and think I spent it frazzled and stressed. Will a book on slowing down help me? I try to simplify, declutter, minimize but it's still busy. What truth do I need to speak to my spinning brain to breathe and chill out? 🫠🥰 Thanks for reading. 🩷
I quote so much of this post because although this is one particular mother’s situation, we are all familiar with her lament and her struggle. The details might be different, but wondering, “Is this ok? Is this the way it’s supposed to be?” is something all of us have wondered at some point or another.
You rarely find the “slow living” types having five children under 8. Sometimes the life advice for such situations boils down to “that’s why I stopped at 3 kids” or “that’s why I spaced my children out more,” or some other form of “it’s your own dumb fault.” Such responses show the heart beneath words and choices. What do you prioritize? Feeling a particular way in your home or raising as many souls for Christ as you’re blessed with?
Slow living should not be an ideal that we craft our decisions around. The mom I quoted above is completely correct in her self-awareness: “I'm talking busy from having a lot on my plate.” and “I'm just living basic life, but that life is so very full with kids’ needs right now.” She’s also correct that it’s a temporary season, yet that’s not really helpful in knowing how to handle it all when you’re in the middle of that season. It might be an intense temporary phase, but it still matters how you handle the intensity.
The intense season will not last forever, but it is the season God has given you now for you to steward.
We all spend time wondering if we’re doing too much or not enough, if we’re too busy or not busy at all with the right things. It’s good to think about where and how you’re using your time and energy. We need to evaluate and be honest with ourselves. By what standard, however, are you evaluating your life? What do you think it’s supposed to be like? That imaginary picture of what you’re aiming for will decide how you feel when you compare your current reality to that goal or standard.
Perhaps you’re looking at women on social media portraying white kitchens with beige linen towels, slowly and gently pulling bread out of the oven, with nothing out of place and the children out of the picture. Perhaps you’re watching YouTube videos where women methodically do their chores to soft instrumental music. Perhaps you’re reading books about minimalism and better habits and being told that you need to cut out whatever is stressing you out.
What if you could cut out the stress without cutting out the people, chores, or responsibilities?
It is true that stress is a problem. It is not true that cutting out responsibilities or stuff will automatically or necessarily cut out stress. Minimizing your duties, your stuff, or your schedule is not a ticket to fixing burnout.
There are times you will have to cut some things in order to prioritize others. We have to recognize that we are human and finite. Humility requires us to not overschedule ourselves or act as though everyone depends on us. Piling on all the projects, all the hobbies, all the cares, all the obligations you come across results from pride, the belief that everyone needs us to do all the things or it will all fall apart.
Humility relies on God, not our own efforts. Humility also obeys God, not our feelings. Humility is never lazy, never lets oneself off the hook, because humility doesn’t trust our own judgment, but God’s.
However, if you’re fantasizing about slow living, training your algorithms to feed you more and more impossible dreams of the cozy, serene, placid life as an ideal, you’re not pursuing zeal in good works or contentment, both of which Scripture commands us to pursue and develop.
In reality, it is your real life not meeting your expectations that causes stress and burnout. You can have a low-obligation, treading water kind of life and still be burnt out because you’re dissatisfied and stressed that your life isn’t a beautiful brocade of peace.
Your life will feel more peaceful and under control if you let go of the stress of controlling outcomes, pleasing people, and achieving an ideal aesthetic.
God gives His people all different kinds of lives and seasons within those lives. He calls us to a slowness of spirit, a quietness of soul, but not necessarily to a slow speed or to low productivity.
Quite the opposite, in fact. In the parable of the talents, it is those who risk and venture and invest and multiply that are praised. The servant who merely kept what he was given safe and intact — in effect, living slowly and safely — is rebuked. Not only that, but what he was given is taken from him and given to a servant who had done much.
Don’t let images online shape your standard for evaluating your life. Don’t let the siren call of peace as an aesthetic determine your criteria for life.
You can pour yourself out in your life in service to others and not be stressed or burned out. You live in God’s economy, not the world’s imaginary economy. In God’s economy, those who die will live, those who lose their life will gain it, those who water will themselves be watered. It doesn’t make human sense. In fact, that’s part of the point.
Our lives are supposed to be a living testament to the power, grace, and kindness of God. It’s not supposed to make sense to the watching world, but the effects of our lives is evidence that they are missing something or outright lying.
God will equip you to do all He has called you to do. Prayerfully, with your husband, determine what He has called you to (not all that you’d like to be called to). Then do not be afraid to pour yourself out in those good works, abounding with zeal in them, working for God’s glory and not for your own achievement.
Perhaps God will slow you down. Perhaps He will speed you up. There will be times of both in most lives. The speed isn’t the point. Working in the place God has put us and living in His grace and kindness that makes the impossible doable without stress, fast or slow, is the point. That is, our sanctification is the point. Sanctification is a process that does not look or feel lovely at all points, but it does bring about the beauty and peace of God’s Spirit working in us.
Seek to live well, to pour yourself out wherever God has put you, whether fast or slow, and do not compare your snapshot outcomes to aesthetic ideals. Compare your growth and progress to God’s Word, where you will find strength, peace, and stamina for the days ahead, trusting that the true, ultimate outcome is eternal Glory in Jesus’ presence.